


And for Awhile, Things Were Cold

by orphan_account



Series: Random One-shots [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Drugs, Hallucinations, M/M, Or Is he?, a lack of harry and louis, he isnt, i dunno, no, this doesn't even have a plot, zayn isn't real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:26:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/745875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Zayn is Liam's ecstasy and Niall is a shit friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And for Awhile, Things Were Cold

**Author's Note:**

> First finished oneshot in awhile. This is entirely about drugs and it probably doesn't even make sense but this took three weeks of planning, typing, and backspacing, so I'm posting it anyway. As per usual, italics are flashbacks.

When he opens his eyes, there’s nothing there. 

\--

Liam isn’t addicted. Liam isn’t addicted to Zayn. Liam isn’t in trouble. Liam says this to himself every day. Niall would ask him How many times are you going to keep saying that? Liam would respond with the same exact answer each time: As many times as I need to say it until it finally becomes true. But it’s okay for right now, everything is okay, because Zayn is with Liam, is staring at Liam with these big, brown, concerned eyes. Zayn reaches out to grab at Liam’s hand. “Liam?” And it’s said in more of a question form rather than a statement, as if Zayn was genuinely concerned about Liam’s state of being at the moment. “Liam.” he says again, but this time more firmly, as if a command for Liam’s attention, and he squeezes Liam’s hand as he says this. Finally, Liam latches on back to Zayn’s hand, and Zayn gives him a small smile that says you know I will always be there for you. Liam thinks that maybe that’s the problem. That maybe Zayn shouldn’t be there for Liam. Not when he knows that Liam is going to give him his all. And he knows he shouldn’t think, shouldn’t allow himself to, at least, that’s what Niall has been telling him. But he does anyway, and it is a mistake. He closes his eyes, and in the treacherous darkness, he tries to think back to how this all started.

“Liam.” Niall’s voice rings in his ear. Liam doesn’t answer though, doesn’t even bother to look up from his writing. He doesn't have time to mess about with Niall. “Liam.” Niall repeats. Niall has been bothering Liam since Liam let him in through the front door. Liam tries to tune him out; he has to get this book done or else he doesn’t get paid. He has a deadline. “Liam. Lili, Li, Leeeeyuuum.” 

“What, Niall?! What do you want?” 

“Well gosh, you are well tense, aren’t ya? Are you busy?”

Liam’ pinches the bridge of his nose, his tell tale sign of annoyance. He’s a bit tempted to hit Niall because does it not look like he is busy? Instead, he settles for sighing exasperatedly with a roll of his eyes. Maybe a break is what he needs right now. “No, Niall. I’m not busy at all.”

“Are you sure?” Niall starts, speaking slowly, knowing that he’s treading on dangerous ground. A busy Liam is a frustrated Liam is a dangerous Liam. “Because you look quite busy.”

“Well I’m not anymore. What did you want?”

“I was thinking that maybe you needed a break. And not a ‘I’m going to take a break but not really because I’m proofreading’ break, I mean a genuine ‘I’m leaving the house because my best friend in the whole wide world is completely right’ type of break.”

Liam begins to open his mouth in protest, but Niall beats him to it. “And don’t give me the ‘I can’t leave the house because unlike you, I have to work’ speech. I promise to be quick.”

“Okay,” Liam agrees, “We’ll leave. But, you have to let me finish at least 2,000 words. I really have to get this done. At least half of it by next week.”

“Fine. Have it your way. But I’m going to keep bothering you.” Niall promises.

Liam finds himself dramatically rolling his eyes again, but he and Niall both know that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Niall stays true to his word; he bothers Liam until he tires himself out. He throws anything in sight at the back of Liam’s head, chuckles when he sees Liam’s skin flush red with frustration and annoyance. Liam starts to rethink his decision, wondering if he should have said that Niall has to be quiet if he wants Liam to go out.

It’s when Niall pesters Liam with a litany of ‘Are you done yet? Li? You still busy? You’re still busy. You done yet?’ that Liam quiets Niall with a firm and agitated, “Quit it, Niall!”

“Ouch. Sorry to disturb the princess at work.” But Niall digresses nonetheless. He’s quiet for the rest of the time and honestly, Liam would be a tad bit worried in any other situation because Niall doesn’t do ‘quiet’, but Liam’s really busy and so he takes advantage of this moment of quiet time. 

By the time Liam is finished and resurfaces from his desk that he calls a haven, Niall is asleep, half of his body hanging off of the egg shaped chair, and his mouth slightly open. A good friend would gently slide Niall back onto the chair in a more comfortable position. A good friend would wake Niall up so that they can leave. A good friend most definitely wouldn’t draw a silly picture on Niall’s face and take a picture of it. But...

Liam isn’t a good friend. 

No, instead, he uses these few moments of quiet as a means of revenge. There is an open, half-eaten packet of M&M’s on Liam’s desk and an idea pops into his mind. He treats Niall’s mouth as if it were a basket and the M&M’s were the basketballs. But he figures that Niall might choke on them pretty soon, so he decides to put an end to his current activity and wakes Niall up. 

Of course his idea of waking his friend up is by pushing him completely off of the chair, watching Niall fall nearly face first before a line of profanities leave his mouth.

“Ouch, what the fu-” Niall starts choking, on the M&M’s Liam presumes, before he gets a chance to finish his sentence. Liam should really help him. His friend could die, but Liam’s a shit friend and watches as Niall attempts the heimlich maneuver on himself. He’ll be fine, Liam decides after the coughing stops emitting from his friend. Niall is still breathing. Liam thinks so.

“I’m going to kick your ar-” 

“Ah ah ah. Language, Nialler.” Liam tuts. “I’m gonna take a quick shower, then we can go to wherever you had planned.”

“Yeah, whatever.” 

And Liam would be lying if he had said that watching Niall’s near death experience hadn’t made him laugh a bit. 

\--

“Where are we going?” It’s Liam’s third time asking and although it’s seemingly repetitive, he thinks of it as payback for Niall’s constant pestering from earlier. They’ve been walking for what seems like forever and when Liam asks Niall why they just didn’t drive, Niall gives him a short ‘You don’t want to drive your car over here. Trust me.’

“Where are we? Niall, what are we doing.” They aren’t in a neighborhood that’ Liam would exactly deem safe. There are writings all over the buildings, trash littering the streets, and the people all where scowls on their face.

“Shh. Quiet, man. Here,” Niall points up to an old building, “We’re going in here. When we get in, don’t say anything.”

Now, it’s not that Liam doesn’t know that Niall gets himself into dangerous , he knows that Niall is into some things. It’s just, he doesn’t know what kind of things. He doesn’t directly know the people that Niall hangs out with. So it isn’t Liam’s fault when he gets the slightest bit scared and concerned. 

\--

“This is Liam.” Niall introduces. There are three men in the room along with Niall and Liam, and Liam would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel like an outsider. He doesn’t say anything, taking Niall’s advice about not talking, though it’s mostly because of fear. “He’s a bit..um..stressed? Anyway, is Zayn here? With you guys?”

Stressed? Did Liam tell Niall that he was stressed? And who is Zayn.

“Liam.” Niall calls. “This is Zayn.” And Zayn, well Zayn is perfect. Zayn is beautiful . Warm and captivating and distracting. _Distracting._ Just the distraction that Liam needs. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn questions.

“Thinking.”

“About what?”

Zayn squeezes Liam’s hand again, causing Liam’s eyelids to flutter open, attention set on Zayn once more. He’s met with searching and questioning eyes, and this time, it’s Liam who gives the small comforting smile. 

He takes in a deep breath and lets it out, trying to rid his body of the toxins of worry and stress and psychoanalyzing. He closes his eyes again, lets his body shift backward until his back meets with the soft sheets of the bed. 

“I believe we both know the answer to that.” And it’s said like an afterthought, the remnants of a smile, albeit a sad one, controlling his features. He feels himself, he lets himself, drift back to his thoughts. 

His eyes flicker between his crumpled papers on the desk and Niall. And Zayn. Most definitely Zayn. He bites his lip, not wanting to have to actually ask, but not wanting to actually not do it. He’s tried avoiding it before but the only thing it does is turn his mind into a prison of treacherous thoughts, a nagging and itching wonder in the back of his mind. That is, until Niall, and Zayn, pull him out of it, concerning eyes and warm hands.

And it’s like Niall can read his mind, because Niall says a curious ‘D’you wanna?’ and Liam stalls a bit, doesn’t want to know what it means that he wants to desperately nod his head ‘yes’ and just get right to it. He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Niall giving him _that look._ The look that makes Liam regret this entire thing. But not quite enough regret to actually stop. But it’s enough to make Liam divert his eyes to anything that isn’t Niall; his bed, the egg shaped chair, and that old lamp has suddenly become a lot more interesting to Liam.

“I don’t know.” Liam whines. Do _you_ want to?” He counter argues against Niall’s question, and he isn’t too sure why he’s so defensive. He wants to blame this on Niall, but it was all Liam’s choice, right? 

“Li,” and this time, Niall doesn’t let Liam look at anything besides Niall and his questioning eyes., grabs at Liam’s chin and gently, but firmly, pulls Liam’s face toward him. “That is not what I asked. Do _you_ want to?” He mirrors Liam’s question, repeats his own. 

“I guess. Yes? Please?”

Niall gives a little chuckle at the confusion his friend is displaying, all the while being ever so polite.

“Don’t laugh.” Liam huffs, but it’s so cute that Niall can’t help but to laugh even more.“I’m just really confused and-” this is the part where Liam inserts air quotes, “‘Stressed’ as you would put it and-”

“Yeah. Okay. No problem. That’s what Zayn is here fore, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He says it in such a defeated tone and Liam really doesn’t know how this started, but he does and he really wishes that he hadn’t become so dependent on Zayn like this. Because, Niall doesn’t need Zayn. Zayn isn’t with him every ticking tocking second of the day. No, instead he’s here, with Liam, in his flat, where he always is. 

“Okay then. Problem solved.”

“But you said that there wasn’t a problem.” And now, Liam is just stalling, wondering that if he waits a few seconds, maybe this scratching urge will just go away.

“Liam.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. M’sorry.”

\--

Niall is gone. Apparently he has some business to take care of and good luck doing that in such a dazed state, except not really because Liam thinks that Niall is a shit friend for leaving Liam alone with Zayn. 

“I wish I could just stay right here forever. It’s perfect. Really perfect.”

“Liam, perfect can’t stay with us forever. It has a job to do.” And those are the words. Those are the words that Liam desperately needed to hear but desperately wishes that he could forget. He regrets the next words that come from his mouth the most though: “I know.”

But he can’t even think about that right now because he was floating.

Liam was floating. Liam is not floating anymore. He should be floating and drifting on clouds and seeing very color of the fucking neon rainbow and- 

And something isn’t right. Liam knows that something isn’t right. And for a minute he thinks, was anything ever right? It doesn’t seem like it ever was. Everything was destined to turn to shit at some point. But this, he feels empty. Why does he feel empty? They’ve only done this a few times-- well, _Liam_ has only done this a few times, he doesn’t know, doesn’t _want_ to know, how many times Niall has done this-- but Liam is pretty sure he isn’t supposed to feel like this. He feels so...numb. And he guess that this is exactly what everything was supposed to come down to, but he feels like he isn’t ready. He doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. 

Liam sighs again and yes, he admits that right now he feels a bit stressed. And yes, he is absolutely relieved that Niall isn’t around to hear him admit that. 

A part of Liam expects Zayn to squeeze his hand, expects Zayn to ask Liam what’s wrong and if he can help. The other part of Liam is lying and is secretly expecting the same things to happen. He should open his eyes. He knows he should. He just doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to see what surrounds him or what doesn’t surround him. But it has to be done. He’s going to do it.

When he opens his eyes, there’s nothing there.

**Author's Note:**

> Zayn doesn't exist. I think he was supposed to be ecstasy. I don't know. What'd you think of it? Oh, and title from Dirty Paws- Of Monsters and Men


End file.
